RSS
 

Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Smudachi End of Life

01 Jul

Smudachi.com is dead, I was only made that to learn Java then some people joined and now I got bored. The website is not a good one, the traffic is low and was not giving so much response for a social work. I might redesign and make a new one but I’m not sure when, maybe when I have enough spare time.

Well, very sorry for all of you who have joined and now you won’t be able to access it again. Just to let you know, that I never thought of you all as a guinea pig for my project. It was fun developing something useful thou. So, thank you. :-)

 
 

Breaking The Glass

13 Apr

An autistic boy can’t stay in his world forever. When he is a grown up, he will be forced to break all the glass wall surrounding him and adapt in the outer world to survive. Unfortunately the real world is hostile for him, with a lack of communication and interpersonal skill, he is an alien in his own race. He broke the glass and wounded himself in the process.

One man has endured those terrible experience and live his so-called normal life, he is no longer an autistic boy like he used to be but he is not a normal person either. He turned himself from an autistic boy to a man with borderline personality disorder. Unsatisfied by the world who seems to neglect him, he starts to defy all rules, defy the world, and even to defy Gods. That man is me :-)

There are three personality in me which I have to maintain and keep them in balance. The first personality is the one other people likes, a nice guy who works as an IT system engineer, has a small house and a small car who is trying to start his own business. Everybody likes him, even my parents loves him more than they loves me. The second one is totally destructive, he envy other people around him, consider vengeance as justice. Mentally unstable but he is the leader who always give the three of us hopes and spirit to survive.

I am the third personality in me which is less dominant compare to the other two. I’m the one who never care about the world, never want to talk to anyone, never want to wake up in the morning. The only thing you can see about me, is the scars on my body. I made all of them to control my other two personalities, and to remind the world that I’m still here and alive. That is how I express myself, that is my way to communicate in this hostile world I never wanted to live in.

Note : This writing is from the three of us

 
2 Comments

Posted in Blog, Personal

 

Hikari

30 Mar

I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t have anymore fireflies to catch

I don’t know what to do with my life, I have lost my light a few years back

 
 

God in My Life – Part 1

25 Mar

I want a God who knows how to sing

I want a God who knows how to play violin

 
 

First Memory

06 Mar

October 1982, a child was born. Although he is a boy, his parents named him Hana, means “Flower” in Japanese, “Happiness” in Arabic, “The Favorite of God” in Hebrew. He grew up with one sister and one brother. The boy had a big curiosity over many things, he touched anything he saw, did some dangerous things which sometimes made him got injured.

The boy was two years old, he grabbed a flaming firework and burnt his hand.

That boy is me. I can’t really remember anything in my life, not until I was three and a half years old. My parents was fighting with each other. I saw plates and spoon and glasses flying around the house when I was crawling to the living room, it was when my father left the house followed by my mother, a big drawer fell down on me, but I was saved by my sister, she covered me with her body. I was fine, but she got severely injured.

I can imagine, if my sister didn’t saved me and I died that day, my first memory in my life is my own death.

 
 

My Social Live

04 Mar

Human is a social creature, many of them even take it into an extreme level and become a communist (note that communist is different with atheist, communist is taken from the word commune which means a group of people living together and sharing possessions and responsibilities). Even a liberalist needs other people.

No human can live without other human. Even a Non-Theist like me needs to interacts with other people.

Many people says that I’m not good at socializing with others, few of them even called me an anti-social but I don’t mind, I never took it seriously. What I think is, it might be partially true, I’m not good with words but that doesn’t means I’m totally unable to interact with other people, I’m different, so only with people who understand and able to accept that differences I can freely interact.

I’m different. If you don’t realize that, then I will pretend to be a regular person, for my own sake.

I do have some friends. We do not meet each others so often but like an old saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I learned lots of things from them regardless how old they are, we help each others and share our thought, perception and maybe, intelligence. But, for me friendship isn’t forever, people changes and so do I.

As time marches on, who am I and who my friends are fade away. Friendship isn’t forever, but making friends is forever.

How about other people who is not my friends? I respect them and whatever their faiths are. But, the hell with being myself, I will pretend to be other person in front of them, make up a different personalities which I couldn’t even remember myself. Many times I confused them because my personality changed so often, then they will judge that I don’t have a good personality at all, a man without a character. But actually, I do. I do have a character, but it will be too troublesome for me if I show them my real self.

Whatever you think of me. An autist, a genius, an ignorant, a childish guy, a psycho, a stupid person or even a rubbish. I don’t mind, our world is separated by a thin glass, but I already have people who think of me with kindness as their friend.

 
 

My Bucket Lists

03 Mar
  1. Go to south pole, camp in an Igloo, and see the aurora.
  2. Space diving, and yes a trip to the ISS.
  3. Go to Japan on fall season, stay in a small village near Mount Fuji.
  4. Go to Jerusalem.
  5. Ride a Scramjet powered aircraft then circle the earth as fast as I can.
  6. Shoot a real battle tank with a FGM-148 Javelin.
  7. Rock climbing at Grand Canyon.
  8. Become a monk and live in Tibet or Nepal for few months.
  9. Dive into a deep ocean, like in Deep Abyss movie.
  10. Watch Liverpool beat Manchester United at Anfield Stadium.

 
2 Comments

Posted in Blog, Personal

 

A Man and His Job

24 Nov

When an unpopular man who is working in a particular company resign from his job. He will get two different kind of responses.

If he decided to quit from his job when the company is in a good condition, gain a lot of profits became so popular and looks like it has a bright future ahead of it. Most people in the company who doesn’t like him will be glad and say “Yes! finally! one pest will leave!” they might as well throw a party for his resignation. They will most likely forget everything he have done any kind of contribution he has given to the company will turn to nothing. He will even considered to be lucky if the company decided to pay his last month bonus!

On the other hand, if he decided to quit from his job when the company is in a bad shape, lost many of it’s clients and less likely gain any profit, or worst going to be bankrupt soon. He will be called a traitor! Most people in the company who doesn’t like him will be annoyed and yell “Shame on you, leaving a company who had been paying you so you can live, in a bad situation like this, you traitor ungrateful bastard!”. They will most likely curse him and hoping he will be fucked up in his new job.

Either way, he will most likely… ah, you know what I mean without have to finished my last sentence…

As long as you are an employee, how good you are in your job, depends on how big is your boss appreciate it. Too bad, most Indonesian boss will appreciate a stupid idea from people they like, more than a rocket science idea from people they don’t like.

 
1 Comment

Posted in Blog, Personal

 

Me and Computer Viruses

18 Oct

Most people who knows me as an IT system engineer, often ask me about computer viruses, how to remove them, what tools to use, what is currently the best anti-virus software available and bla bla bla… To be honest, although I’m an IT system engineer, I not very good in handling computer viruses, since my job is less likely have any relation with Windows machine.

I uses Mac OSX, Linux, FreeBSD and Solaris for my servers, and for my own, I uses Mac OSX on my laptop. I never had a virus on any of them, and it’s been ages since the last time I use Windows. So, if you had a problem with viruses, I may help you, but remember that I’m no expert :-)

What will I do in a time where I really have to deal with computer viruses. Easy, Google is our friend, remember that we’re not the only person who’s probably been infected with that kind of virus. We may download a free anti virus for first aid, or maybe to get the virus identity. After we know what virus which is infecting our computer, we can (again) ask Google, on how to remove that kind of virus effectively.

 
 

Friends will stab you in the face (just because you allow it)

13 Oct

There are so many particular man who often said “foes will hit you from behind, while friends will stab you in the face”. That’s an old wise saying. Yes, I heard that words many times, since I was a child. But think about this, what if a stranger suddenly come to you and say in your face “you’re not smart enough to handle that problem, just give it up, this is not something an idiot like you could handle”. What will you do? that stranger is not your friend, you don’t even know him, but he stab you in the face, hard!

Most people will likely get mad or maybe think that guy is insane, talking to someone he don’t know, but what if that stranger actually knows everything about you? will you take his words and consider him as your friend, or ignore him and treat him like an annoying bastard? You will most likely do the second one, yes, your friends are brave enough to stab you in the face just because you let them, not because they’re your friend and those strangers will think twice before he said something directly in front you, because you will most likely kick them afterward.

So, what about that old wise saying I said earlier? mostly it means nothing, those people are keep saying wise words, when they are not have the real wisdom like the words itself. They tongue can say any wise words they could remember, but until their soul can feel the wisdom inside each words perfectly, they means nothing.Wise words without wisdom will lead to absurdity

 
 

Happy Barcode Day!

07 Oct

Happy barcode day everyone!

hana-barcode

 
 

Between madness and Free Thought

06 Oct

Mostly it is hard for me to communicate with other people about civilization, since I always tend to have a revolutionary, radical sometimes offending thoughts. My thoughts sometimes scared me, when it questioning everything I couldn’t find the answer myself. But I just can’t stop, feels like my brain is processing everything regardless of my will, and finally, I will speak every thoughts in mind out loud, has ridiculed me in so many situations. That’s why I prefer to stay silent, and listen more to what other people say.

Never force me to speak my mind, unless you’re ready to be smashed down by every words coming out from my mouth

You will need to have the same frequency with me to pick up those words as something real, not just an imaginary madness coming from me. You will need to take them as your own thought, not mine. Those things I said is there as they are, I won’t tell you what, I will just give you a point of view to see each of them through different angle from people commonly use. No glasses, as clear as they are.

We are only a dust specs in the huge universe, but our thought could be everywhere in it.

Madness has given enough contribution to built our civilization, as well as art and science. Sometimes we have to take a radical action, use a sledgehammer to crack a nut, just to show people, there are no wrong ways of thinking, there are only different ways to think. Every time we hold on tight to some old authorities, we blurred our selves from the future truth, and maybe God will angry at us because of that.

People before you built this with world with their thought and creativity, think for a better civilization. So why do we stop now? This is not the best world we could create, this is not the highest place we could achieve, not even The Garden of Eden is.

 
3 Comments

Posted in Blog, Personal

 

Akhirnya… Snow Leopard!

14 Sep

Setelah nunggu seminggu lebih karena Snow Leopard di iStore-nya indent, akhirnya dateng juga!
Langsung upgrade, sekalian ngebersihin sampah-sampah yg mulai numpuk di laptop ini (kasian selalu dipake kerja keras). Ternyata banyak aplikasi yg harus diinstall ulang (walaupun seharusnya ini upgrade, bukan clean install) kayak XCode, MySQL ama Server Admin Tools harus diinstall ulang. Selain itu ada beberapa aplikasi yg kelihatannya jadi mulai ngaco, mungkin karena ngga (belum) compatible ama Snow Leopard, kayak Quicksilver dan iStat.

Setiap kali upgrade OS, emang selalu harus jadi (sedikit) kerja keras. Dulu pun sama waktu upgrade dari Tiger ke Leopard, banyak kasus ama aplikasi, ngga compatible lah, ngga di support lah, “buggy” lah. Tapi, yah, worthed emang, Snow Leopard bener-bener ngga mengecewakan, performance bagus, pemakaian space hard disk jadi berkurang (dari sisi OS-nya ya, kalo MP3 mah tetep, disk space killer). Banyak feature-feature baru yang keren juga, kayak Dock, Spotlight ama Expose yang lumayan banyak “improvement”-nya. Finder juga sebetulnya di re-write ama mereka, respon jadi lebih bagus, dan lebih stabil, tapi dari sisi tampilan emang ga beda ama Finder versi sebelumnya.