I need to get myself to the earlier stage of my life. To be productive and to be able to learn anything rapidly. I need to be more proud of myself entirely, yes, I’m a non-theist geek and a genius with borderline personality disorder. Yes, I’m proud of myself, my unique self 
Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category
Regression
19
Aug
Fever-like
18
Aug
I’m not saying this with a any scientific proof. Everytime I use my brain intensely or when my emotional going unstable, my heart is beating faster than usual and my body temperature is raising. My eyes are feeling warm and I can feel my blood in my veins being pumped throughout my body.
11th Annual System Administrator Appreciation Day
30
Jul
Happy System Administrator Day everyone. Today is the 11th Anniversary, and I’ve been a System Administrator for almost 9 years! I’m very proud to be a system administrator, an IT engineer. In my entire system administrator career, I have laid hundreds of kilometers of cables, connected hundreds of broadband access points, connecting millions of users using dial-up connection, DSL cable, satellite, fiber optic cable and broadband wireless connection and provided e-mail services, web services and other services to millions of users.
When the server, router or any other problem occurred at night. I’m the one who get called. I got less sleep since the first day I became a system administrator, that is indeed disrupting my mental stability, worsening my BPD. But, I like it. It’s a big self satisfaction to get on an important role in this age of technology.
So, happy anniversary to all system administrators in the world! You can check this following link for more information on this event! http://www.sysadminday.com
Delusion
28
Jul
Recently I’ve been thinking and analyzing why I often forget something, which sometimes can be a very important thing. I always believe that my brain doesn’t easily forget anything once it has been processed. Now, this is not a scientific excuse, this is only what I’ve realized. I do not forget anything (mostly) but I’m having a difficulty to distinguish imagination from reality. With so many ideas, knowledges, fantasies and dreams inside my brain, now it’s hard for me to decide, to remember which one I really experienced and which one is not.
Knowing how my brain works, I suspect there’s a little failure in my brain everytime It tried to recall whatever happened in the past. Like it is confusedly building a memory blocks with the mixture of real experiences and imaginations. A simple example of the result would be like when I cannot remember what I said to someone in the past, because my brain failed to build a correct memory block and instead, it giving me a corrupted block which say, as example, the one who said that was someone else, but I was also there to listened or it was something written in a book which I also read.
In a worse scenario, I sometimes forgot something I have done. By confusing it with my imaginations, my ideas or even my dreams. Now, I hope this is just because a stress or because I’m too exhausted. For someone like me, short memory loss or failure in building memory block is so uncool.
Strength
26
Jul
One can never be able to endure everything by oneself. Like someone was once told me, “you don’t have to be strong all the time”. Make sense but yet, not quite relieving. Human was born alone, solely trying to find a way through one’s life which mostly, hostile. Human’s life was never easy, their life is hard while they are not. But they don’t have any other chance do they? endure it, or give up.
Other people will most likely put themselves first. So counting on others, does not count! Human is not a pack animal like hounds, even thou when we see a figure resembling an Alpha Male, we only think we see it. No, we’re a solitary animals. Even the most communist person will think about themselves first, only the law, the rules which force them not to express it.
Even Ubermensch will need other people, even if it merely as a tool to escalate human’s civilization onto the next level. I’m start babbling am I. I knew my brain rapidly change it’s focus everytime I try to focus on one thing. Well, I can’t be smart all the time can I?
Click
07
Jul
Something I read, something I saw, something I heard, triggered it.
I feel very angry, I feel very sad, I feel useless, I feel hopeless, I feel depressed, I feel frustrated.
I want to kill someone, I want to kill everyone, I want to be killed myself.
Stay calm, it’s only in our head.
Think like a whelp, think like a whelp.
Where’s that god damn cutter when I need it!
Smudachi End of Life
01
Jul
Smudachi.com is dead, I was only made that to learn Java then some people joined and now I got bored. The website is not a good one, the traffic is low and was not giving so much response for a social work. I might redesign and make a new one but I’m not sure when, maybe when I have enough spare time.
Well, very sorry for all of you who have joined and now you won’t be able to access it again. Just to let you know, that I never thought of you all as a guinea pig for my project. It was fun developing something useful thou. So, thank you.
Wonderkid
28
Jun
Saat kebanyakan orang sibuk ngomongin Justin “Bleber” (jelas saya bukan salah satu dari mereka). Ya, saya emang ga bisa nangkep “apa yang spesial dari Bieber” dibanding dengan wonderkid yang lain seperti, ingat ketika debut professional Vanessa Mae dengan Philharmonic Orchestra tahun 1988? waktu itu dia berumur 10 tahun. Atau debut internasional Ana Vidovic waktu dia berumur 11 tahun.
Beda dengan Bieber memang, mereka pemain musik dan bukan penyanyi, dan bisa dibilang, sekarang mereka udah bukan lagi anak-anak. Tapi sebetulnya ada satu penyanyi, ngga setenar Bieber, tapi saya bisa bilang kualitas suaranya jauh lebih bagus dan udah diakui secara internasional, Charice Pempengco, pernah duet dengan Andrea Bocelli dan tampil bareng David Foster. Unlike Justin Bieber, Charice Pempengco is a real wonderkid.
Phobia Pada Ular
26
Jun
Ophidiophobia atau Ophiophobia adalah suatu bentuk phobia pada ular. Berasal dari bahasa yunani “Ophis” artinya ular dan “Phobia” artinya ketakutan. Pengindap ophidiophobia memiliki ketakutan pada ular, tingkat ketakutan tentu tergantung dari seberapa parah phobia tersebut. Ada beberapa yang hanya takut saat ular tersebut nyata atau ada dihadapannya, pengidap yang lain mungkin bisa takut hanya dengan melihat pada gambar atau televisi atau bahkan membayangkannya!
Bentuk reaksi dari ketakutan itu bermacam-macam. Kebanyakan mungkin langsung menutup mata mereka dan badan otomatis kaku tidak bisa bergerak. Dalam kasus saya, reaksi yang terjadi (dilihat dari pengalaman) saya akan masuk ke kondisi “berserk”. Pernah suatu saat saya melemparkan monitor CRT 17 inchi pada teman saya yang menyodorkan ular kearah saya. Ular yang dia sodorkan saya bunuh sampe gepeng-gepeng dan dianya sendiri masuk rumah sakit akibat hantaman monitor yang saya lempar. Tapi bagaimanapun, saya ga merasa bersalah, karena saya udah pernah bilang kalo saya phobia ular 
Untuk sebagian orang mungkin lucu atau aneh liat ada orang dengan ketakutan berlebih pada sesuatu (coba kalo mereka liat teman saya yang phobia kupu-kupu, itu lebih aneh lagi!). Namanya phobia tetap phobia, ngga bisa dipaksa untuk sembuh dalam waktu yang cepat. Dan yang penting, phobia ngga boleh dibikin bahan lelucon (liat yang terjadi ama temen saya tadi). Jadi, sebaiknya lebih hati-hati dalam menangani orang yang memiliki phobia pada hal-hal tertentu.
The Downing Effect
10
Jun
The Downing Effect which was first noted by C. L. Downing simply say that the tendency of people with below average intelligence quotients (IQs) to overestimate their intelligence, and of people with above average intelligence to underestimate their intelligence. An individual’s predictable propensity to misjudge their own intelligence.
His studies also evidenced that an individual’s ability to estimate others’ intelligence accurately was proportional to their own intelligence. This means the lower the IQ score of an individual, the less capably he or she can appreciate and accurately appraise others’ intelligence. The lower someone’s IQ, the more likely one is to rate oneself as more intelligent than those around them. Conversely, people with a high IQ, while better at appraising others’ intelligence overall, are still likely to rate people of similar intelligence to themselves as having higher IQs.
Now I have a little understanding on what the person who took my dermatoglyphic multiple intelligence assessment test said that I have to give more understanding to most people who’s intelligence are inferior to mine. Yes, that’s because they will never understand me! I feel that’s quite unfair. I know life isn’t fair, but I always hope it will be unfair in my favor.
I’m not saying that I’m smart. If someone think that I’m smart, that’s irritating. They will need to reduce my IQ score by 20 points, only then I can be considered as smart.