Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category


25 Jul

When people knows that I do not follow any religion, most of them boldly said “so, you’re an atheist?”. My answer were always the same, “no, I’m not an atheist, I’m an agnostic”. Yes, many people doesn’t really familiar with this term, so I’m gonna explain. In religious term, agnostic could simply means, a perspective that a truth value for the existence or non-existence of any deity is unknown. For example, in my case, I do not believe nor dis-believe of the existence of God. I don’t even want to ask, let alone answer the question.

Asking about the existence of God is like asking about what happen before the big bang, or what lies beyond the singularity of a black hole. For most of you who is familiar with the theory must realize how impossible it is to answer that question with scientific answer. Even thou I think that the burden of proof is on the believer, I will never demand it from any of them. I learned from experience, I do not want to get caught between a rock and a hard place. We should just respect each others perspective and live each others life peacefully.


Wrist Injury and My Old Guitar

27 Jul

Was trying to play with my old guitar after a while, and I just realized that my wrist injury on my left hand is more severe than I thought. It was okay to play some basic chords, but when I was trying to get into an advanced chords or playing a complex notes, the pain was killing me.

Yes, I did went to the hospital to check, the doctor said it’s okay. But until now, the pain just won’t go away, it hurts every time I use my left arm to lift a (not so) heavy object, or even when I use it to push the door. Sometimes I needed to take a painkiller just to be able to do normal stuff and suppress the pain.

Well, I probably need to go to the hospital to check. Let just hope I won’t have to deal with those stupid doctors who often misdiagnose and turn out to be unhelpful.


Money, In “God” We Trust

04 Jan

Uang memang aspek penting dalam hidup manusia, memang, uang bukan segalanya, tapi kita hampir tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa tanpa uang. Saking vital-nya, semakin lama semakin banyak orang yang akan melakukan apapun untuk mendapatkan uang.

Berita yang paling menarik tahun ini mungkin pengakuan dari vendor gelang kesehatan Power Balance. Setelah dibuktikan oleh banyak ilmuwan eropa bahwa gelang itu tidak memiliki efek apapun, akhirnya perusahaan pembuat gelang Power Balance mengakui, jika gelang tersebut memang tidak memiliki dukungan ilimiah untuk semua iklan mereka yang menyebutkan jika gelang tersebut bisa membuat badan lebih “sehat”.

Saya dalam hal ini mengesampingkan perbedaan hukum perdagangan antara Indonesia dan Australia. Australia memaksa vendor Power Balance untuk menarik semua produknya dari pasaran dan memberikan kesempatan pembeli sebelumnya untuk melakukan refund. Hal tersebut mungkin tidak berlaku dan tidak bisa diterapkan di Indonesia, lagipula, Indonesia memang surga bagi perusahaan pembuat barang “sampah” untuk memasarkan produk mereka.

Saya hanya sedikit menyesalkan, karena hal seperti ini saya anggap sebagai penipuan. Banyak orang tertipu membeli produk ini tanpa mendapatkan hasil apapun, selain dari “placebo effect” dari gencarnya promosi di media massa. Untuk saya sendiri, saya tidak pernah tertipu karena saya orang yang sangat kritis, apalagi terhadap hal-hal yang berbau science.

Semoga untuk kedepan perusahaan perusahaan bisa lebih “beradab” dalam mencari uang, dan menjual produk sesuai dengan kapasitasnya, tanpa hanya memikirkan profit semata. Semua orang perlu uang, tapi itu bukan berarti kita dapat menjadikannya alasan untuk menipu orang lain, walaupun mungkin penjualan produk produk “pseudo-science” ada dalam “grey area” secara moral. Bagi saya pribadi, hal seperti ini tidak dapat ditolerir, terutama dalam hal “sebagai bentuk pembodohan masyarakat”.


Posted in Blog, Personal



09 Dec

When you adhere one religion while constantly and consciously denying (attacking) other religions, you are an infidel. If you have become an infidel, you are not different with an atheist, since they also deny your religion and even deny your God (gods, goddesses). I don’t usually give so much attention to anyone’s faith. But if your faith is giving you reasons to flame other people’s faith. That’s just annoying.

What I’m trying to say is (influenced by Muhammad The Prophet words). Only you who feels like you are the most holy person without sin may flame other people’s faith. Otherwise, you can go home, and keep your faith to yourself. Learn to question your own faith before questioning others, because the more you talk and questioning, the more ignorant and low-life you will look like.


Smudachi End of Life

01 Jul is dead, I was only made that to learn Java then some people joined and now I got bored. The website is not a good one, the traffic is low and was not giving so much response for a social work. I might redesign and make a new one but I’m not sure when, maybe when I have enough spare time.

Well, very sorry for all of you who have joined and now you won’t be able to access it again. Just to let you know, that I never thought of you all as a guinea pig for my project. It was fun developing something useful thou. So, thank you. happy



Breaking The Glass

13 Apr

An autistic boy can’t stay in his world forever. When he is a grown up, he will be forced to break all the glass wall surrounding him and adapt in the outer world to survive. Unfortunately the real world is hostile for him, with a lack of communication and interpersonal skill, he is an alien in his own race. He broke the glass and wounded himself in the process.

One man has endured those terrible experience and live his so-called normal life, he is no longer an autistic boy like he used to be but he is not a normal person either. He turned himself from an autistic boy to a man with borderline personality disorder. Unsatisfied by the world who seems to neglect him, he starts to defy all rules, defy the world, and even to defy Gods. That man is me happy

There are three personality in me which I have to maintain and keep them in balance. The first personality is the one other people likes, a nice guy who works as an IT system engineer, has a small house and a small car who is trying to start his own business. Everybody likes him, even my parents loves him more than they loves me. The second one is totally destructive, he envy other people around him, consider vengeance as justice. Mentally unstable but he is the leader who always give the three of us hopes and spirit to survive.

I am the third personality in me which is less dominant compare to the other two. I’m the one who never care about the world, never want to talk to anyone, never want to wake up in the morning. The only thing you can see about me, is the scars on my body. I made all of them to control my other two personalities, and to remind the world that I’m still here and alive. That is how I express myself, that is my way to communicate in this hostile world I never wanted to live in.

Note : This writing is from the three of us



Posted in Blog, Personal



30 Mar

I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t have anymore fireflies to catch

I don’t know what to do with my life, I have lost my light a few years back



God in My Life – Part 1

25 Mar

I want a God who knows how to sing

I want a God who knows how to play violin



First Memory

06 Mar

October 1982, a child was born. Although he is a boy, his parents named him Hana, means “Flower” in Japanese, “Happiness” in Arabic, “The Favorite of God” in Hebrew. He grew up with one sister and one brother. The boy had a big curiosity over many things, he touched anything he saw, did some dangerous things which sometimes made him got injured.

The boy was two years old, he grabbed a flaming firework and burnt his hand.

That boy is me. I can’t really remember anything in my life, not until I was three and a half years old. My parents was fighting with each other. I saw plates and spoon and glasses flying around the house when I was crawling to the living room, it was when my father left the house followed by my mother, a big drawer fell down on me, but I was saved by my sister, she covered me with her body. I was fine, but she got severely injured.

I can imagine, if my sister didn’t saved me and I died that day, my first memory in my life is my own death.



Posted in Blog, Personal


My Social Live

04 Mar

Human is a social creature, many of them even take it into an extreme level and become a communist (note that communist is different with atheist, communist is taken from the word commune which means a group of people living together and sharing possessions and responsibilities). Even a liberalist needs other people.

No human can live without other human. Even a Non-Theist like me needs to interacts with other people.

Many people says that I’m not good at socializing with others, few of them even called me an anti-social but I don’t mind, I never took it seriously. What I think is, it might be partially true, I’m not good with words but that doesn’t means I’m totally unable to interact with other people, I’m different, so only with people who understand and able to accept that differences I can freely interact.

I’m different. If you don’t realize that, then I will pretend to be a regular person, for my own sake.

I do have some friends. We do not meet each others so often but like an old saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I learned lots of things from them regardless how old they are, we help each others and share our thought, perception and maybe, intelligence. But, for me friendship isn’t forever, people changes and so do I.

As time marches on, who am I and who my friends are fade away. Friendship isn’t forever, but making friends is forever.

How about other people who is not my friends? I respect them and whatever their faiths are. But, the hell with being myself, I will pretend to be other person in front of them, make up a different personalities which I couldn’t even remember myself. Many times I confused them because my personality changed so often, then they will judge that I don’t have a good personality at all, a man without a character. But actually, I do. I do have a character, but it will be too troublesome for me if I show them my real self.

Whatever you think of me. An autist, a genius, an ignorant, a childish guy, a psycho, a stupid person or even a rubbish. I don’t mind, our world is separated by a thin glass, but I already have people who think of me with kindness as their friend.



Posted in Blog, Personal


My Bucket Lists

03 Mar
  1. Go to south pole, camp in an Igloo, and see the aurora.
  2. Space diving, and yes a trip to the ISS.
  3. Go to Japan on fall season, stay in a small village near Mount Fuji.
  4. Go to Jerusalem.
  5. Ride a Scramjet powered aircraft then circle the earth as fast as I can.
  6. Shoot a real battle tank with a FGM-148 Javelin.
  7. Rock climbing at Grand Canyon.
  8. Become a monk and live in Tibet or Nepal for few months.
  9. Dive into a deep ocean, like in Deep Abyss movie.
  10. Watch Liverpool beat Manchester United at Anfield Stadium.



Posted in Blog, Personal


A Man and His Job

24 Nov

When an unpopular man who is working in a particular company resign from his job. He will get two different kind of responses.

If he decided to quit from his job when the company is in a good condition, gain a lot of profits became so popular and looks like it has a bright future ahead of it. Most people in the company who doesn’t like him will be glad and say “Yes! finally! one pest will leave!” they might as well throw a party for his resignation. They will most likely forget everything he have done any kind of contribution he has given to the company will turn to nothing. He will even considered to be lucky if the company decided to pay his last month bonus!

On the other hand, if he decided to quit from his job when the company is in a bad shape, lost many of it’s clients and less likely gain any profit, or worst going to be bankrupt soon. He will be called a traitor! Most people in the company who doesn’t like him will be annoyed and yell “Shame on you, leaving a company who had been paying you so you can live, in a bad situation like this, you traitor ungrateful bastard!”. They will most likely curse him and hoping he will be fucked up in his new job.

Either way, he will most likely… ah, you know what I mean without have to finished my last sentence…

As long as you are an employee, how good you are in your job, depends on how big is your boss appreciate it. Too bad, most Indonesian boss will appreciate a stupid idea from people they like, more than a rocket science idea from people they don’t like.


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Posted in Blog, Personal


Me and Computer Viruses

18 Oct

Most people who knows me as an IT system engineer, often ask me about computer viruses, how to remove them, what tools to use, what is currently the best anti-virus software available and bla bla bla… To be honest, although I’m an IT system engineer, I not very good in handling computer viruses, since my job is less likely have any relation with Windows machine.

I uses Mac OSX, Linux, FreeBSD and Solaris for my servers, and for my own, I uses Mac OSX on my laptop. I never had a virus on any of them, and it’s been ages since the last time I use Windows. So, if you had a problem with viruses, I may help you, but remember that I’m no expert happy

What will I do in a time where I really have to deal with computer viruses. Easy, Google is our friend, remember that we’re not the only person who’s probably been infected with that kind of virus. We may download a free anti virus for first aid, or maybe to get the virus identity. After we know what virus which is infecting our computer, we can (again) ask Google, on how to remove that kind of virus effectively.