Archive for March, 2010


30 Mar

I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t have anymore fireflies to catch

I don’t know what to do with my life, I have lost my light a few years back



God in My Life – Part 1

25 Mar

I want a God who knows how to sing

I want a God who knows how to play violin



Violin Tuner

24 Mar

I use this to tune my violin. Works great for me…



Posted in Blog, Music


First Memory

06 Mar

October 1982, a child was born. Although he is a boy, his parents named him Hana, means “Flower” in Japanese, “Happiness” in Arabic, “The Favorite of God” in Hebrew. He grew up with one sister and one brother. The boy had a big curiosity over many things, he touched anything he saw, did some dangerous things which sometimes made him got injured.

The boy was two years old, he grabbed a flaming firework and burnt his hand.

That boy is me. I can’t really remember anything in my life, not until I was three and a half years old. My parents was fighting with each other. I saw plates and spoon and glasses flying around the house when I was crawling to the living room, it was when my father left the house followed by my mother, a big drawer fell down on me, but I was saved by my sister, she covered me with her body. I was fine, but she got severely injured.

I can imagine, if my sister didn’t saved me and I died that day, my first memory in my life is my own death.



Posted in Blog, Personal


My Social Live

04 Mar

Human is a social creature, many of them even take it into an extreme level and become a communist (note that communist is different with atheist, communist is taken from the word commune which means a group of people living together and sharing possessions and responsibilities). Even a liberalist needs other people.

No human can live without other human. Even a Non-Theist like me needs to interacts with other people.

Many people says that I’m not good at socializing with others, few of them even called me an anti-social but I don’t mind, I never took it seriously. What I think is, it might be partially true, I’m not good with words but that doesn’t means I’m totally unable to interact with other people, I’m different, so only with people who understand and able to accept that differences I can freely interact.

I’m different. If you don’t realize that, then I will pretend to be a regular person, for my own sake.

I do have some friends. We do not meet each others so often but like an old saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I learned lots of things from them regardless how old they are, we help each others and share our thought, perception and maybe, intelligence. But, for me friendship isn’t forever, people changes and so do I.

As time marches on, who am I and who my friends are fade away. Friendship isn’t forever, but making friends is forever.

How about other people who is not my friends? I respect them and whatever their faiths are. But, the hell with being myself, I will pretend to be other person in front of them, make up a different personalities which I couldn’t even remember myself. Many times I confused them because my personality changed so often, then they will judge that I don’t have a good personality at all, a man without a character. But actually, I do. I do have a character, but it will be too troublesome for me if I show them my real self.

Whatever you think of me. An autist, a genius, an ignorant, a childish guy, a psycho, a stupid person or even a rubbish. I don’t mind, our world is separated by a thin glass, but I already have people who think of me with kindness as their friend.



Posted in Blog, Personal


My Bucket Lists

03 Mar
  1. Go to south pole, camp in an Igloo, and see the aurora.
  2. Space diving, and yes a trip to the ISS.
  3. Go to Japan on fall season, stay in a small village near Mount Fuji.
  4. Go to Jerusalem.
  5. Ride a Scramjet powered aircraft then circle the earth as fast as I can.
  6. Shoot a real battle tank with a FGM-148 Javelin.
  7. Rock climbing at Grand Canyon.
  8. Become a monk and live in Tibet or Nepal for few months.
  9. Dive into a deep ocean, like in Deep Abyss movie.
  10. Watch Liverpool beat Manchester United at Anfield Stadium.



Posted in Blog, Personal



03 Mar

I never had this strange feeling since the last several years. The world seems to be very complicated and I don’t have anything to hold on. Did Friedriech Nietzsche, Jean Paul Sartre or Karen Armstrong ever had this same feeling? I wonder how they overcame it. Sometimes it feels like an original Greece Tragedy. Hear someone shouts very hard in an uncontrollable anger and a boy desperately cries at the same time. They wake me up at night and drive me mad!


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Posted in Blog, Rubbish